Afraid to lose you
by scarecrowdogblue
Summary: It is a version to ameliorate, of the one what I had written before and what I have eraseThe timeline of this history is at the end of episode The Eyes Have It in third seasonWe all know, that Amanda was confused, by the wrong death of Lee in the hospital


Afraid to lose you

"You know, I was thinking that the person who helped me the most isn't on that list" Lee looked at Amanda

"That's a big mistake", Amanda replied.

Lee gazed deep into her eyes and took her hand in his. "I can correct that. Welcome aboard !"

"My pleasure."

Lee glanced around to be sure no one was in sight and raised her hand to his lips. "The pleasure is mine". He caressed her skin with his lips sending shivers along her spine. It had been a long time since she wanted Lee to look at her that way, but now she was wondering if that look meant what she thought.

Her train of thought was interrupted by Lee's voice. "Thank you Amanda".

She gave him a tender smile "Why ? No need to thank me, we're partners."

He smiled back.

'He has the most beautiful smile I've ever seen in a man.' Amanda mused. "We have to buy the ingredients for your soup and then I'll take you home. You need to rest."

"Okay". He replied with a smile.

An hour later, at Lee's apartment

He was resting on his couch, thinking about the kiss he'd placed on Amanda's hand. He would've liked to have kissed another part of her body, but he didin't want to rush things. Since the near miss kiss in the sacker case, Lee had been aware that his relationship with Amanda was now beyond friendship, stonger. He was questioning a lot since that night in the swamps, but today after Brody aimed his gun toward Amanda, he as so afraid that he would lose her his heart had jumped into his throat. He realized at that point that he loved her but he wasn't brave enough to tell her. He was bad at sharing his feelings, all his past relationships weren't in any way like this one with Amanda. Before he met her, he'd been a playboy, a collector of women, his four black books were the proof of that but after three years of knowing Amanda his knowledge or women was different and he didn't want a one stand with her, he wanted more!

"It's ready. Come and eat." Amanda interrupted his thoughts.

Rising from the couch, he went into the dining room and saw only one plate on the table. "Aren't you going to eat?"

"I need to go home and make dinner for the boys."

He didn't think he would be alone that evening, when Billy told Amanda to take care of him and make sure he rested he'd thought she'd stay with him. he hadn't really approved of Billy's decision but he was happy to be with Amanda at his place. This would maybe permit him to confess his feelings and maybe find out about hers. He'd felt the slight trembling of her hand when he was kissing it.

"Why can't stay you with me tonight? Couldn't your mother take care of the boys?"

"I..I..."

Lee smiled at her struggles to answer him.

Amanda blew out a long breath. "I thought you wanted to be alone. After today's events I know you don't want someone take care of you. That's what you said to me this afternoon in your romm that you don't need a 'mother'. That's why I'm leaving". She turned around to leave.

He was surprised by her reaction. "No, please don't go".

Amanda turned around and looked straight into his eyes, amazed by their little boy espression. "What?"

"I don't want you to leave Amanda I need you." He said hoping he wasn't saying too much. "I want you to stay with me, at least until I fall asleep," Lee said in a sweet voice.

She couldn't say no when he looked at her like that and he'd said he needed her.

"Okay, I'll call mother and tell her I have to work late and I'll leave after you fall asleep."

Lee's smile widened as she accepted to stay with him. He was determined to make her understand his feeling for her.

Picking up the phone, Amanda called her mother. She knew from his reation that he needed her. But the question was 'Did he need her in the same way she needed him?'

Amanda went to the kitchen to get a bowl of soup for herself and when she returned found him sitting on the couch. She sat down beside him to eat her soup, not looking at him. She was afraid he would see the happiness in her eyes that he needed her.

Lee broke the silence. "Billy told me that you part very well when they wanted to make that bastard believe I was dying. How did you manage to show such emotion to make them believe what they were seeing wasn't fake?"

Amanda knew that this was the moment tp make him understand what he meant to her. She took a deep brath, turned to him and looked deep into his eyes

"I thought about how I'd feel if you really had been dying. How would I react if I knew I'd never see you again? My emotions were real Lee. If lost you..I..I.."

Lee thought for a moment about Billy had told him how the scenario would be played out when he was in the operating room. He could picture the scene. Her standing outside the door to the operating room, her breath hitching as she watched the doctors trying to save him. Tears welling in her eyes afraid of losing him and when they said he'd flat lined he'd heard her cry NO. Later when he'd embraced her she still shook from her emotions.

Trying to 'see' the scene, Lee hadn't noticed tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Please don't cry". He raised his hand and wiped the teardrops away with his thumb. "I don't want you to cry."

He raised her chin to look in her eyes, in the eyes he loved, Amanda's eyes.

"Amanda tell me what happened?"

She raised her eyes and looked at him. "Nothing Lee. I just realized that if I lost you", She paused breathing hard. 'I'd be so unhappy." She lowered her eyes, she wasn't yet ready to confess that she loved him.

Lee was touched by the way Amanda reacted to the thought of losing him. He felt the same way about her. He took her hand in his and brought it to lips kissing her palm. "Thank you, Amanda I'd be sad if I lost you too."

Amanda was surprised by his words. she hadn't expected such a reation on his part, she hoped one day he'd feel the same way as her, but not now. "Why do you say that?"

Lee grinned knowing that what he'd said just now had a powerful effect on her. When I saw him aiming his gun toward you, I was afraid I'd lose you"

He tried to convey his feeling with his eyes, he wasn't ready to confesse his love for her, no yet. He wanted to make her understand that he couldn't live without her anymore, that she'd became an important part of his life, and he can't see it without her presence.

"Oh Lee." Amanda now had the answer she'd been waiting for. He had feelings for her. How deep she didn't know, right know this was enough.

They were both happy to make a little step in their relationship. But not yet ready to confess all their feelings, but sure that if one were lost the other would be lost to.

" I think we better eat our soup before it gets cold". Lee said.

Amanda picked up her bowl and began eating. She watched Lee as he ate his. 'He cares about me. I'll wait however long it takes for him to take the next step. I love him so much. I'll be patient' She became aware that Lee was watching her too. She felt her cheeks blush and a sensation of warmth flooded her as she knew one day soon the next step would be taken.

Lee finished his soup knowing very well the effect that he had on her. He saw her red cheeks, little did she know she had the same effect him. Every time his eyes locked with hers his heart pounded and the need to lower his gaze was more than necessary to regain control. Today and this evening had been a turning point. They'd confessed some of their feelings. And now he understood Amanda felt the same way about him. He'd lost too much time. It was time for them to take relationship forward.

The End


End file.
